Carte Blanche

uloo

Today…i want to free myself..

From thoughts of you.

From the shackles that binds me to you.

From all reverence i felt.

From the gravity that pulls me back to you.

From the memories, the hurt, the happy and the sad.

From the hope that we could still fix what was broken.

-eli-

 

 

Home

11276210_10155583814145587_805971973_nThere’s something about homesickness that maybe doesn’t include four walls and a signed lease. It’s a wave of loneliness that I find is hard to breath under. The place of a house isn’t a homelike feeling at times, and you find yourself wanting someone there. It’s an unsteady feeling, being alone. So, maybe home isn’t a kitchen or a shower, but a pair of arms and heartbeat… and if that’s the case, I’m homesick for a place that doesn’t want me to come home. (via: @poemsporn)

I miss you but, I will be okay.

961610_10155503657510587_388212136_nI miss you, but not in the way that I need you or that I won’t be able to go on without you. There are so many attachments when telling someone that you miss them. There are so many different meaning to that phrase, or to that confession. So many different ways to how a person can perceive those words. I want to tell  you that I miss  you  but I don’t want it to seem as if I am hopeless without you.

Sometimes I wander off to places that remind me of you. I can see you standing beside me admiring the scenery in which we lost ourselves in. I can see us creating memories with the wind, with the sunset, with the feel of the day turning into night. Don’t think that I am not myself without you, or that I need you here at every moment to remember that it’s going to be okay. Just know that I miss you, and if I could I would take your voice over the silence any day. (Via:@poemporns)

—A letter to the ones who’ve “drifted apart”

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Sometimes you just drift apart. People say that a lot, don’t they? I suppose it’s true but that doesn’t make it any less painful when you lose the people who you thought would be by your side forever. Years of midnight talks, long texts, summer adventures are gone. Just like that. Now you’re left with memories. But memories can’t keep you company. They don’t talk you down at 3 am when nothing feels okay. You can’t spend Saturday nights and Tuesday afternoons with your memories. (via @poemporns)

Despondency

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I think a lot about the conversations I would want to have if I saw you again. I think a lot about the things I’d want to tell you.
I’d want to tell you that I miss you so much that it hurts sometimes. I’d want to tell you that I think about you most at night when no one but me can hear the way my breath still feels a little shaky every time the thought hits that I’ve spent another day without you. Sometimes I think I’m just lonely and sometimes I want to scream because I don’t think I’ll ever love someone the way that I loved you. Sometimes I’m not sure I want to.

I’d want to tell you that I’m sorry that we made so many promises to each other in the light when we never knew if we could make it through the dark. I guess we couldn’t, and I’m sorry for that too. I’m sorry everything fell apart and I’m sorry that it blindsided me so much that I couldn’t see the idea of us lasting but God, I was so scared. You were everything to me and I didn’t know how to handle loving someone so much that every morning felt like a sigh of relief from the loneliness the days used to be. I really tried to give you the world, but it turns out I didn’t even have any skies to give after you stole my heart. Turns out I didn’t even need to give you anything spinning on an axis, because he gave you a whole universe.

I was so sure that you were mine, so sure that I had you and that it was stuck in the concrete and flattened to the permanence of the sidewalk. I was so sure that I never even considered how wrapped around you I was. I never even considered how easily you had me sitting in your palm. It never occurred to me that you’d need somebody else’s love, because I was so sure mine was enough to fill the weight of my heart against your sleeve.

I think a lot about the things I’d tell you if I saw you now, but I don’t think I’d get a word in edge wise over the sound of my heart cracking all over again. I was never good at letting go of things, but I swear it would’ve been easier to rip my own heart out than seeing you love him the way I loved you.”

—Some things you can’t say to anyone but your bedroom ceiling (via: @poemsporn)

Temple Run (continuation..)

After exploring Wat Pho. Since it is already 4pm, my last stop was Wat Arun or the Temple of Dawn. This temple almost directly opposite to Wat Pho, so it is very easy to get to. So from, Sapphan Taksin boat pier you can take a river boat, there is a small shuttle boat that takes you from one side of the river to the other for only 3 baht. There is an entrance to the temple which is for 100 baht. It is open from 08:30 to 17:30.

Unfortunately, the weather was really fickle minded that day and the temple was being repaired, I was not able to get inside. I was not able to see the sunset due to the sky was cloudy. But, it’s still okay, the view was still stunning.

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Wat Arun

Exploring Bangkok was really amazing. It would be more amazing if I have more time to explore it. Aside from that,  having a me time once in a while is a bliss. And I am very happy to have this chance. I will definitely come back.

Here are some of the picture I have during my stay.

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Temple run (My first Solo Backpacking – Bangkok Thailand ( Day 2)

(After all the confirmed bookings and flights.  I received a call from my Family in the Philippines that my grandmother was in the ICU. I was in doubt if I should push through with this travel or not. However,  Since my flights and bookings are mostly promos, I cannot cancel nor refund it. So I need to continue my original plan. And YES, my heart was really not on a festive mood to travel. And since I am in Bangkok, at the back of my mind, I’ll just make the most  of it. )

So, it’s the second day in Bangkok. I woke up late. And sad to say I was not able to get the morning tour that i was planning the day before, which was a bum.  Instead of getting another tour which will start around 4pm, I decided to wallow inside my room for a moment and plan on my own tour instead.

After battling with myself whether to take a shower or just sleep the whole afternoon. I choose to shower.

My itinerary was a total mess after not following it. Instead of visiting the malls and exploring Khaosan road. I decided to see the Wats. So I drag myself to take a shower. Prep my things and went out.

And since I am a budget traveler (which I wish I’m not) I took the train From Silom going to the sky train.  When I arrived in the Sky train station I ask for direction where to ride a bus or what I should  be riding going to the Wats. And believe it or not, I wish I did not ask…I  was lost …literally LOST and I have no Idea where to go, since most of the people I ask, either they don’t talk in English or they really don’t understand what I was babbling.

So for 2 hours walking through the streets of Bangkok, and still try my luck to ask on how to get to the Wats, it was no help at all. The hard part is, the signage’s are written in Thai, I was like… Okay. I’ll just get a taxi.

By the way with that perilous journey, I  was able to enjoy the street of Bangkok. Bangkok provides mouth watering tropical fruits , barbeques and some of Thailand’s delicacies are just laid there waiting to be eaten. So, that 2 hours was really not a waste of time at all.

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Some of the street food I encountered. Price range from 10 baht to 20 baht.

After the turmoil I have of being lost.  Thank God for Taxi drivers that don’t take advantage.  I arrived safe and sound near the grand palace. And the taxi only cost me 130 baht, not bad.  I walked my way through the traffic. Took a picture of the vicinity and the 3 elephants in the middle of the road. (note: if you plan to visit the Wats, it would be best if you will just ride a taxi. For one its much faster and easier. Just make sure to advise the driver where you are heading exactly, because sometimes, they do take advantage. And yes, watch out for scams and those tok toks, they are just overrated.) d It was a bitter sweet moment. Walking by myself. Camera in my hands. And watching those groups that are uberly happy. Them taking picture on one another. And it dawn on me … I am Alone. Then again..I am here because I want to be alone. So I tread the street around the wats.

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Outside Grand Palace. Entrance 500 baht.
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Spires of the Infamous Grand palace.

The first place that I visited was the Grand Palace. When I saw how much is the entrance fee I was doubtful if I’ll  pushed through or not. I decided not to go inside since my time was really limited and  I have other wats to explore. And my budget was depreciating. no regrets. After exploring the grounds of Grand Palace. I decided to eat. Yes, I was famished. I stopped on one of the places where most tourist eat.Just walking distance from the Grand palace. And guess what I have for lunch? You got it right. Pad Thai, again. Sorry guys, but I will never get tired of eating Pad thai. hihihi.

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Left to right: Authentic Pad Thai ( 60 baht), Roasted duck (just took a picture) , vendor making freshly squeeze pomegranate (20 baht per bottle)

After taking my lunch. The next Wat  that I was going to visit was Wat pho. Before you reach Wat Pho, your eyes will be entertain by street vendors along the way selling stuff. From souvenirs, knickknacks and street foods. Some of the sale items are some what off. Some sells used combs, glasses, weird looking dolls and some old biscuit box. Not sure if its for a collection or just simply for the sake of selling it.

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Left to right: Old books, pendants of all sorts, life like Buddhist statue, Thai deities and gods statue.

(to be continued. more pictures of wats on my next blog..)