Cacophony of my lonely heart

Mollybrill

My mind is in doubt…full of conundrums…

Should I, Would I? This question left unanswered.

I look for signs to make it better,

But all I found was more riddles and letters.

Confused, Broken and Bruised.

The anagram of my thoughtless mind.

Grasping the air of what is left of my sanity.

Misunderstood. Holding back.

Scared of jumping out of track.

Loosing grip. Heated arguments of the heart.

Questions still clouding my mind.

Should I take the risk or cower in the corner?

( eli – 07/05/2015)

I see you

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I see you…

I see you in my dreams…in waking up

In thoughtless grin.

I see you…

I see you at dawn…in lurid sky

And eyes forlorn.

I see you…

I see you under the sweltering sun…in changing clothes

Until the moments gone.

I see you…

I see you at dusk…

In sparkling sky of diamond dust.

I see you…

(eli 29/30/2015)

I miss you but, I will be okay.

961610_10155503657510587_388212136_nI miss you, but not in the way that I need you or that I won’t be able to go on without you. There are so many attachments when telling someone that you miss them. There are so many different meaning to that phrase, or to that confession. So many different ways to how a person can perceive those words. I want to tell  you that I miss  you  but I don’t want it to seem as if I am hopeless without you.

Sometimes I wander off to places that remind me of you. I can see you standing beside me admiring the scenery in which we lost ourselves in. I can see us creating memories with the wind, with the sunset, with the feel of the day turning into night. Don’t think that I am not myself without you, or that I need you here at every moment to remember that it’s going to be okay. Just know that I miss you, and if I could I would take your voice over the silence any day. (Via:@poemporns)

X Mark the spot.

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I wish that I could say that if I had a chance to take it back, I would but the truth is, as much as being without you hurts, there is nothing I would have done differently.

Maybe that sounds stupid, and you’re probably going to think that I don’t love you enough to take it back but you’re wrong. Let me tell you why I wouldn’t take it back.
I could never be who I am now if it wasn’t for you. I remember not being okay for a while after I left you, I struggled to get out of bed and I didn’t want to even live most days.
I had to fight like hell to be here right now. I cried in the mornings when I had to get out of bed and it was never easy but I kept trying for something and here I am now.
I am a better person because of it, because of you. I know maybe you don’t understand and I know that maybe you’re going to want to call me selfish but look at yourself. I dare you to tell me that you aren’t a better person because of it- because you are.
We are both still living and we are doing the best that we can. Remember the time we said we couldn’t be without each other? Look at how wrong we were. Look at us. You’re there and I’m here and we’re okay without each other. And we have tried for something.
Today we stand a little taller and we laugh a little louder and we know that there is not a day we can’t get through.
I still love you but this is how it was supposed to be all along.
If I find comfort in anything, it is in knowing that everything we went through together, has always been a part of something much bigger than both of us. It has made us who we are.

—A letter to the ones who’ve “drifted apart”

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Sometimes you just drift apart. People say that a lot, don’t they? I suppose it’s true but that doesn’t make it any less painful when you lose the people who you thought would be by your side forever. Years of midnight talks, long texts, summer adventures are gone. Just like that. Now you’re left with memories. But memories can’t keep you company. They don’t talk you down at 3 am when nothing feels okay. You can’t spend Saturday nights and Tuesday afternoons with your memories. (via @poemporns)

wretched heart

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Was it hard letting go of him? It was, and it wasn’t because I missed him, because who he is right now isn’t who I miss, I don’t know who he is anymore. But it was hard letting go because I had this person who had became a huge chunk of my life, a person who lit fires in the darkest parts of me, and then they had left me, the fires burned out and I now had a gaping hole in my heart, and that’s why it hurts to let go. It happens in stages really, I had found myself one day laughing at how pathetic I was for ever loving him, but the next day I was on the floor of my shower begging God to bring him back to me. I think if anyone’s every experienced heartbreak you know how hard it is to do things without that person. It’s entirely way to hard to move on, and it’s also hard to accept. It’s also hard to grasp the fact that the person you had grown to love is now a stranger to you. You don’t talk to them anymore, but you hear about them and your stomach clenches and I can promise you it won’t feel too great. I’m sorry to tell you this but you’ll probably always have a spot for them in your heart, the hole they made can be filled by them, and only them. I truthfully don’t think I’ll ever let go of him fully either. (via @poemsporn)

I had to….

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I had to realize that maybe it had nothing to do with me. Maybe it had everything to do with him. Maybe I had too much love, maybe I cared too much, maybe his heart didn’t have the space for me. Maybe I saw a new life in him, and he saw a brief passing moment in me. But through all the maybes I’ve realized that there is no pain worse than loving someone more than they love you. It’s like you’re falling in free-fall, expecting that they’ll catch you, and they’re still holding onto their parachute. And, my god, when you hit the ground, it really does break every bone in your body.

-thoughts @2am (vaia @poemsporn)