Moving mountains

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Well…this is weird…

Nostalgic it may feel while writing this..I got to say..I am such a ”LAZY BUM”.

I guess every year I have this resolution that ”by next year I will be this and that”.

I did start well to be honest…but I am sure after the third month…laziness will surely be creeping inside of me.

I don’t know if this is how my life goes..or whatever. But, this year will be different ( with confidence and eagerness in my mind and my eyes twinkling– and yes I am talking to myself).

I will be moving mountains!!!

scratch that..

I will however, try my very best to update as much as I can with this so-called-blog. 🙂

O! bucket list check for New years eve. (see photo- Coldplay #aheadfullofdreamsconcert December 31, 2016)

  • Celebrate new year on a concert.

 

 

Carte Blanche

uloo

Today…i want to free myself..

From thoughts of you.

From the shackles that binds me to you.

From all reverence i felt.

From the gravity that pulls me back to you.

From the memories, the hurt, the happy and the sad.

From the hope that we could still fix what was broken.

-eli-

 

 

vehemence

 

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Vehemence – oil on canvas by Eli (17/11/2015)

 

I hate you.

Was the words I utter. I was, am hurt. And I don’t want to be a hypocrite and say that I am not. Because I am.

I never questioned you…I never asked. Because you help me and you were there when I needed a hand to hold on to. My respect to you was the respect I gave to  my mom. You are family to me.

But one single question changes everything. And BOOM! everything just exploded. Confetti’s everywhere.

And the sad part is, I was not hit with the confettis. I was hit with shrapnels. Shrapnel of lies and each time it hit me…I begin to ask a question.

Was I really that bad? Am I a bad person?

It is true..people will never see the good you’ve done to them. All they can see are bad things…lies …a web of lies.

I did not react..because it would be immature to do so.

So I decide that…

It is time. Time for me to let go…let go of people who manipulates your happiness.

I thank you still. Because without your help I wouldn’t be here. Thank you for the shelter you unselfishly provide. The food, the time and all.

THANK YOU!

 

 

pensive state of my heart….

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” I wanted to call him” he said, “just to see how he was doing. But you can’t do that. You can’t talk to someone who held your heart in their palm pretend it never happened.

” I wanted to ask why it was so hard to get over him. I wanted to know if he felt pain like knives in his sides like I did. I wanted to know if he ever felt lonely when he listened to music, or if things reminded him of the memories we made.

“I wanted to say that I couldn’t remember the sound of him saying my name anymore and sometimes that scared me but I knew it was important, and that our last kiss wasn;t anything like in the movies, that it was so brief the wind had swept it away before I’d had a chance to commit it to memory. I wanted to explain how now I’d forgotten everything apart from the way he made me feel, like I could do anything, like love wasn’t just for perfect people, like love could also be for me.

” So my God I wanted to call him, but instead I sat on the floor and drank shots like they were tea. To be honest I don’t know if I still loved, but then I suppose you have to love someone to miss them like that; like hell like absolute-fucking hell.”

Truth is…

11253788_10155503656330587_860883498_nThe Truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws.That’s just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don’t last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they’re out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it’s seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship. (@poemsporn)

I see you

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I see you…

I see you in my dreams…in waking up

In thoughtless grin.

I see you…

I see you at dawn…in lurid sky

And eyes forlorn.

I see you…

I see you under the sweltering sun…in changing clothes

Until the moments gone.

I see you…

I see you at dusk…

In sparkling sky of diamond dust.

I see you…

(eli 29/30/2015)

X Mark the spot.

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I wish that I could say that if I had a chance to take it back, I would but the truth is, as much as being without you hurts, there is nothing I would have done differently.

Maybe that sounds stupid, and you’re probably going to think that I don’t love you enough to take it back but you’re wrong. Let me tell you why I wouldn’t take it back.
I could never be who I am now if it wasn’t for you. I remember not being okay for a while after I left you, I struggled to get out of bed and I didn’t want to even live most days.
I had to fight like hell to be here right now. I cried in the mornings when I had to get out of bed and it was never easy but I kept trying for something and here I am now.
I am a better person because of it, because of you. I know maybe you don’t understand and I know that maybe you’re going to want to call me selfish but look at yourself. I dare you to tell me that you aren’t a better person because of it- because you are.
We are both still living and we are doing the best that we can. Remember the time we said we couldn’t be without each other? Look at how wrong we were. Look at us. You’re there and I’m here and we’re okay without each other. And we have tried for something.
Today we stand a little taller and we laugh a little louder and we know that there is not a day we can’t get through.
I still love you but this is how it was supposed to be all along.
If I find comfort in anything, it is in knowing that everything we went through together, has always been a part of something much bigger than both of us. It has made us who we are.