Moving mountains

img_5147

Well…this is weird…

Nostalgic it may feel while writing this..I got to say..I am such a ”LAZY BUM”.

I guess every year I have this resolution that ”by next year I will be this and that”.

I did start well to be honest…but I am sure after the third month…laziness will surely be creeping inside of me.

I don’t know if this is how my life goes..or whatever. But, this year will be different ( with confidence and eagerness in my mind and my eyes twinkling– and yes I am talking to myself).

I will be moving mountains!!!

scratch that..

I will however, try my very best to update as much as I can with this so-called-blog. 🙂

O! bucket list check for New years eve. (see photo- Coldplay #aheadfullofdreamsconcert December 31, 2016)

  • Celebrate new year on a concert.

 

 

vehemence

 

12271221_10156195509665587_961594195_o
Vehemence – oil on canvas by Eli (17/11/2015)

 

I hate you.

Was the words I utter. I was, am hurt. And I don’t want to be a hypocrite and say that I am not. Because I am.

I never questioned you…I never asked. Because you help me and you were there when I needed a hand to hold on to. My respect to you was the respect I gave to  my mom. You are family to me.

But one single question changes everything. And BOOM! everything just exploded. Confetti’s everywhere.

And the sad part is, I was not hit with the confettis. I was hit with shrapnels. Shrapnel of lies and each time it hit me…I begin to ask a question.

Was I really that bad? Am I a bad person?

It is true..people will never see the good you’ve done to them. All they can see are bad things…lies …a web of lies.

I did not react..because it would be immature to do so.

So I decide that…

It is time. Time for me to let go…let go of people who manipulates your happiness.

I thank you still. Because without your help I wouldn’t be here. Thank you for the shelter you unselfishly provide. The food, the time and all.

THANK YOU!

 

 

I see you

images

I see you…

I see you in my dreams…in waking up

In thoughtless grin.

I see you…

I see you at dawn…in lurid sky

And eyes forlorn.

I see you…

I see you under the sweltering sun…in changing clothes

Until the moments gone.

I see you…

I see you at dusk…

In sparkling sky of diamond dust.

I see you…

(eli 29/30/2015)

—A letter to the ones who’ve “drifted apart”

10704120_10154672189870587_241024848465666687_n

Sometimes you just drift apart. People say that a lot, don’t they? I suppose it’s true but that doesn’t make it any less painful when you lose the people who you thought would be by your side forever. Years of midnight talks, long texts, summer adventures are gone. Just like that. Now you’re left with memories. But memories can’t keep you company. They don’t talk you down at 3 am when nothing feels okay. You can’t spend Saturday nights and Tuesday afternoons with your memories. (via @poemporns)

wretched heart

image

Was it hard letting go of him? It was, and it wasn’t because I missed him, because who he is right now isn’t who I miss, I don’t know who he is anymore. But it was hard letting go because I had this person who had became a huge chunk of my life, a person who lit fires in the darkest parts of me, and then they had left me, the fires burned out and I now had a gaping hole in my heart, and that’s why it hurts to let go. It happens in stages really, I had found myself one day laughing at how pathetic I was for ever loving him, but the next day I was on the floor of my shower begging God to bring him back to me. I think if anyone’s every experienced heartbreak you know how hard it is to do things without that person. It’s entirely way to hard to move on, and it’s also hard to accept. It’s also hard to grasp the fact that the person you had grown to love is now a stranger to you. You don’t talk to them anymore, but you hear about them and your stomach clenches and I can promise you it won’t feel too great. I’m sorry to tell you this but you’ll probably always have a spot for them in your heart, the hole they made can be filled by them, and only them. I truthfully don’t think I’ll ever let go of him fully either. (via @poemsporn)

I had to….

11092563_10155381520610587_1487324837_n

I had to realize that maybe it had nothing to do with me. Maybe it had everything to do with him. Maybe I had too much love, maybe I cared too much, maybe his heart didn’t have the space for me. Maybe I saw a new life in him, and he saw a brief passing moment in me. But through all the maybes I’ve realized that there is no pain worse than loving someone more than they love you. It’s like you’re falling in free-fall, expecting that they’ll catch you, and they’re still holding onto their parachute. And, my god, when you hit the ground, it really does break every bone in your body.

-thoughts @2am (vaia @poemsporn)