Moving mountains

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Well…this is weird…

Nostalgic it may feel while writing this..I got to say..I am such a ”LAZY BUM”.

I guess every year I have this resolution that ”by next year I will be this and that”.

I did start well to be honest…but I am sure after the third month…laziness will surely be creeping inside of me.

I don’t know if this is how my life goes..or whatever. But, this year will be different ( with confidence and eagerness in my mind and my eyes twinkling– and yes I am talking to myself).

I will be moving mountains!!!

scratch that..

I will however, try my very best to update as much as I can with this so-called-blog. 🙂

O! bucket list check for New years eve. (see photo- Coldplay #aheadfullofdreamsconcert December 31, 2016)

  • Celebrate new year on a concert.

 

 

vehemence

 

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Vehemence – oil on canvas by Eli (17/11/2015)

 

I hate you.

Was the words I utter. I was, am hurt. And I don’t want to be a hypocrite and say that I am not. Because I am.

I never questioned you…I never asked. Because you help me and you were there when I needed a hand to hold on to. My respect to you was the respect I gave to  my mom. You are family to me.

But one single question changes everything. And BOOM! everything just exploded. Confetti’s everywhere.

And the sad part is, I was not hit with the confettis. I was hit with shrapnels. Shrapnel of lies and each time it hit me…I begin to ask a question.

Was I really that bad? Am I a bad person?

It is true..people will never see the good you’ve done to them. All they can see are bad things…lies …a web of lies.

I did not react..because it would be immature to do so.

So I decide that…

It is time. Time for me to let go…let go of people who manipulates your happiness.

I thank you still. Because without your help I wouldn’t be here. Thank you for the shelter you unselfishly provide. The food, the time and all.

THANK YOU!

 

 

pensive state of my heart….

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” I wanted to call him” he said, “just to see how he was doing. But you can’t do that. You can’t talk to someone who held your heart in their palm pretend it never happened.

” I wanted to ask why it was so hard to get over him. I wanted to know if he felt pain like knives in his sides like I did. I wanted to know if he ever felt lonely when he listened to music, or if things reminded him of the memories we made.

“I wanted to say that I couldn’t remember the sound of him saying my name anymore and sometimes that scared me but I knew it was important, and that our last kiss wasn;t anything like in the movies, that it was so brief the wind had swept it away before I’d had a chance to commit it to memory. I wanted to explain how now I’d forgotten everything apart from the way he made me feel, like I could do anything, like love wasn’t just for perfect people, like love could also be for me.

” So my God I wanted to call him, but instead I sat on the floor and drank shots like they were tea. To be honest I don’t know if I still loved, but then I suppose you have to love someone to miss them like that; like hell like absolute-fucking hell.”

Home

11276210_10155583814145587_805971973_nThere’s something about homesickness that maybe doesn’t include four walls and a signed lease. It’s a wave of loneliness that I find is hard to breath under. The place of a house isn’t a homelike feeling at times, and you find yourself wanting someone there. It’s an unsteady feeling, being alone. So, maybe home isn’t a kitchen or a shower, but a pair of arms and heartbeat… and if that’s the case, I’m homesick for a place that doesn’t want me to come home. (via: @poemsporn)

I see you

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I see you…

I see you in my dreams…in waking up

In thoughtless grin.

I see you…

I see you at dawn…in lurid sky

And eyes forlorn.

I see you…

I see you under the sweltering sun…in changing clothes

Until the moments gone.

I see you…

I see you at dusk…

In sparkling sky of diamond dust.

I see you…

(eli 29/30/2015)

I miss you but, I will be okay.

961610_10155503657510587_388212136_nI miss you, but not in the way that I need you or that I won’t be able to go on without you. There are so many attachments when telling someone that you miss them. There are so many different meaning to that phrase, or to that confession. So many different ways to how a person can perceive those words. I want to tell  you that I miss  you  but I don’t want it to seem as if I am hopeless without you.

Sometimes I wander off to places that remind me of you. I can see you standing beside me admiring the scenery in which we lost ourselves in. I can see us creating memories with the wind, with the sunset, with the feel of the day turning into night. Don’t think that I am not myself without you, or that I need you here at every moment to remember that it’s going to be okay. Just know that I miss you, and if I could I would take your voice over the silence any day. (Via:@poemporns)