Today…i want to free myself..
From thoughts of you.
From the shackles that binds me to you.
From all reverence i felt.
From the gravity that pulls me back to you.
From the memories, the hurt, the happy and the sad.
From the hope that we could still fix what was broken.
I hate you.
Was the words I utter. I was, am hurt. And I don’t want to be a hypocrite and say that I am not. Because I am.
I never questioned you…I never asked. Because you help me and you were there when I needed a hand to hold on to. My respect to you was the respect I gave to my mom. You are family to me.
But one single question changes everything. And BOOM! everything just exploded. Confetti’s everywhere.
And the sad part is, I was not hit with the confettis. I was hit with shrapnels. Shrapnel of lies and each time it hit me…I begin to ask a question.
Was I really that bad? Am I a bad person?
It is true..people will never see the good you’ve done to them. All they can see are bad things…lies …a web of lies.
I did not react..because it would be immature to do so.
So I decide that…
It is time. Time for me to let go…let go of people who manipulates your happiness.
I thank you still. Because without your help I wouldn’t be here. Thank you for the shelter you unselfishly provide. The food, the time and all.
My mind is in doubt…full of conundrums…
Should I, Would I? This question left unanswered.
I look for signs to make it better,
But all I found was more riddles and letters.
Confused, Broken and Bruised.
The anagram of my thoughtless mind.
Grasping the air of what is left of my sanity.
Misunderstood. Holding back.
Scared of jumping out of track.
Loosing grip. Heated arguments of the heart.
Questions still clouding my mind.
Should I take the risk or cower in the corner?
( eli – 07/05/2015)