Quarterlife crisis ( Daily Photochallenge 24)

12
circa 2013 – Colon St. Photowalk

I am now 25, yet i don’t feel any changes at all. I feel like everything is  still the same. I am still wallowing on a deep mud full of confusion and uncertainties. To be honest, I don’t have any goals or whatsoever. Making bucket list doesn’t help. I don’t know, I am  still the same confuse Ely way back in college. I am scared. Scared since I will be turning 26 by how many days. Scared of loosing my grip to reality…that I am but a soul that is still trying to emerge through this blackhole. Scared of loosing my sanity…that I may become a person that I don’t want to be. I  am scared of the thought that I will die penniless. Scared of the thought that I will be alone.  I have this war with myself. Struggling. I have made plans for myself..but when I sat down and try to check what I have done or should be doing…i failed. I am still confuse…and always be confuse.

 But that’s how I perceive my life to be. CONFUSE. I know i have not found the so called”NICHE” that I am dreaming. But I know that where I am now is the “NICHE” I am comfortable to be. I am happy I have a wonderful-bitter-sweet life. Thankful to the people around me. Thankful for my job. Thankful for my stupidity and my paranoia. Thankful for the person who made me patient and understand relationship on a wider perspective. Just venting it out…currently…i am confuse…

erratum: this article was written last March 14,2012, when i was still 25. I was not able to put this in public because, this was written to myself. I found it funny though coz, till now…i am still in the midst of confusion – nothings change )

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